Christmas

Can't remember how i really spent my previous Christmas, but i think it should be routine activities like: going church, some presents and a good meal with family. This year, things are a little different, some people left my life and some unexpected ones come in. Sometimes i wonder how unpredictable is my God. Surprised by his arrangements, and shocked by his sudden tests. I know where i can go to whenever i need a solution, comfort and hope to hold on. But i still hate these moments, where you're lost, wonder which is your next path, ponder about what is life, having doubts about His will in your life, keep praying for an answer but is not answered by. I know i'll get through this, like any others, but i'm always a person comfort with current situation and i dislike changes or transitions, as much as i dislike maths or bitter gourds. It gets me frustrated and depressed, like now. Oh God, i pray for peace in my heart, and as things turn out to be not as i expected, i'll still hold onto you, Lord. Amen.

So skip the emo part if you want to, here are a few things i have done during my holidays:

• National Conference [29th Nov- 4th Dec]

- A very fruitful one. I would say its like an alarm clock, reminded me things i have forgotten, like how should i live out my life as a Christian, approaching our major neighbors, fight racism, walk HIS way and Go for gold.

• Caroling, Christmas event, and more Christmas events in church...

• Bought presents and wrapped presents (like 20 of them! lol...)

• Learned about patient and to not just stir things up at the mean while. God says wait =)

• still not done anything academic yet... =(

Despite all, i still glad that i'm back, get to meet my cousin sister- Phoebe and my cool aunt!

* p.s: Stay tune for more on post Christmas 2 xp

Eunice

I love her

I really do

so much that i couldn't bare anything bad happen to her

I know i'm being over protective

But how can i not when mum asked me to take good care of her when she left

I won't compromise

Even if i have to take up the responsibility to raise her up

Even i'll have to give up everything else for that

My plan for master studies

My choice of place to work

I'll still keep my promise

Eunice

Please, always be good and healthy

Do know that I love you always

Ignorance

I always thought whatever problem happened, u just have to talk it out and things will be good. Until this one. I've been ignoring it for quite some time, still in ignorant status now. I tried the talking part and it did not work out as i expect. And ignorance seems to be the best solution for now. Its like the toughest mathematic question in world and you can't do anything to solve it, hence u just left it there. I wish i could do something but no, praying is the only thing i can do right now. I hate this helpless feeling. Its the same kind of feelings i had when my mum was diagnosis with cancer. How i wish she's still here. God, i commit all in your eagle wings', that u'll get us through this like every other time u did. In Jesus name i pray, Amen.

Life...real...

In real Life

real world

Life is never easy

but i had promise that i'll let u take control of my life, oh Lord

I commit all into your hands, Jesus

Amen

2# C

Today is a break day for me, i wanted to just watch movie and get wasted whole day but i can't, with all the thoughts running in mind and a strong urge to keep writing, about friends, about love. So here's the rare, 2 posts in a day situation and maybe more =)

C is one important friend, one i will never graduate without. She always say she's my personal assistant, morning call me, remind me of important dates and events, even stay up 24hr whenever i need her, but of course she's one who believes sleep is a luxury and sin. The one of a kind i'll ever meet in life. Always so goal-oriented with full determination and passion =)

When i first getting close to her, i thought i lost my best friend in life, i'm sad and lost. She's there being all bubbly and energetic, like always. We went to Seremban for new year eve, one crazy thing i've ever did, pleading to my parents an hour for permission. And that night, we both lying on bed, sharing about our moments. I remember i've tears in my eyes, and i adore her, being so independent and tough. Since that day, we're another half for each other, my twin.

We talk alot and argue much too, about life philosophy, politics, studies, people and more. And i'm glad that i found someone to talk about serious matters like these and not worry that you'll offend any of them, and i know we'll still be friends even we fight. I can tell her straight on face that she disappoint me and i need a day break from her and i still love her no matter what. She's the first ever i felt like a sister near to heart, worry about her life direction which i think i might have gone over board. But i just can't help worry, like when i first knew that my younger sister had a bf and worries storm out just like that.

But i should have know that she's different, and she'll be good with her self determination and never drain off energy. I wish her all the best and will always love her despite all =) Words will never express how much i thankful for you in my life but i really do thankful, very much.

* I can't imagine how i'm gonna ever stay away from these people who's so near to my heart. tears rolling down for the thought that we'll be apart some day T.T love u sista! *hugs*

1# B

This is a post for a very important friend of mine. I was thinking of writing posts about these interesting people i met in university. And on my graduation day, i'll handwrite these in a handmade card and give to each and everyone of them, along with a big warm hug =)

So here you are, the first, dear. Is it because of your birthday? err... maybe. Or the reason that i want to do it in alphabetical order and your name starts with B? haha... You're always in my top list, really. So here it starts.

Being one blur, warm, encouraging and always helpful friend. I'm more than grateful to know you. Its like fate that we met, both Christian, same college, faculty and we both joined debate. When i first speak to her, i know we'll make best friends and we are now. We don't contact each other much, but when we did meet up, we talked for hours and time is so short and there's so much to share. And i always wonder why is it so comfortable for me to share with her. As easy like we've knowing each other for life time, knowing that she'll listens and accepts me for all. The best is she always gives helpful advices that encourage me whenever i'm down, nourishes my soul with God's word and very warming, like a sister to me =)

There's too much to tell about her and one thing we have in common which i really grateful of, the same blurness. Every time i do stupid stuff, i'll think of her and that makes me feel better, like: nah, its ok, b might do more than this xp ops... haha... and her blur stories can make up a 100 page novel by now and its less than 3 years since i know her =)

Happy birthday B. I always believe you're a gift from God. Hope you'll continue to be a blessing to all, like u always are. May more blissful days in years coming and that u'll continue to grow in the experience of God along your life journey. I'll always love you =D

*p.s: i try to find for more pictures but its so so limited =( we shall take lotsa picture before we both graduate! XOXO

I want a camera

Dear daddy,

can you buy me a camera as my pre-graduation gift? I want it for good purpose. To capture my remaining memories in ukm, not so much of the place but the people in it. I realise how moments past and never come back, leaving unclear image in your mind years after which u can't quite grab onto. I never wanted DSLR, i just want a simple camera, with 10 mp, 4x zoom and stabilizer probably for newbie like me =)

I heart these people, very much. And i wish i could at least kept some memories of them in form of pictures, or something u can look back after years as a topic in gatherings. I wish i can stop time but i couldn't. Maybe a camera can capture those precious moments for me.

So daddy, please.... I really want a camera *with the sweet little girl glimpse she tried to fake up*

Love,

your daughter

*oh, here are some pictures with people i love much. lovely people, aren't they?

My PERKEB family

The awesome debaters

Newtuners-Musician

The Brass Band

Physicists

My Hang-out Gang

Funny, always blur gang

Understand me now, lovely faces but terrible picture quality =(

I want a camera, dad.

plssss....

The Apartment

A condo show room?

Pictures from some interior design magazine?

its THE APARTMENT!

One of the best voted restaurant and bar in Malaysia

currently with one located at the Curve and another one at KLCC

looks awesome not?

awww... especially the bar, i always wanted that in my dream house

not until u see the food...

did i tell that they serve coffee too?

YES, they do!

i wanted to go...

like really, like badly

Reading, Writing, Bestfriends

I almost forgot how much i love reading. It started since very young, that's how i got my 800+ degree eyesight by the way. I missed the joy of reading, how it let my imagination run wild, how it brings me to another world and how time just flies while i read. I can practically read whole day back then =) but now, with the new electronic era, movies and games seem to be more attractive than books. Not until i read again. I found the passion buried in me and the satisfaction i got through reading. I shall pick it up, if time allows.

Of how much i love reading, is how much i love writing as well. I used to write diary until one day my sister read it out in front of my family. Since then i wrote in computer but always delete it after. Its just a way of me expressing myself, it calms me every time i'm sad and it never fails to do so. Until, i blog at the age of 17. I realized its a good way of keeping track of myself, i always read back what i wrote, seeing how i progress and becoming what i am today, and with that i appreciate life more. One of my dream job when i was young, is to become a writer. Maybe i should write more, improve myself better and one day i might be one, who knows =)

While i wrote this, 2 of my best friends come into mind. They're the kind of friends u know u'll keep forever. I've been knowing them more than 10 years and i still love them much. Despite that we're all far apart and sometimes we didn't really contact much but we appreciate every moment together, even its only 2 hours a year. They're the kind of friends that you'll give them a call when they forgot your birthday, not to scold them, but worried of what might happen and u just want to hear from them, especially on your special day. I miss them lots =(

So if u happen to read this, i miss u, LO MANN SHIUAN & LOH EN CHIN!! Hope u girls have a great time at Sweden and England! *sigh* =S

Sunset or Sunrise

Have been manage my blog for a year and a half. The same layout picture but i still love it after time. So make a guess, sunset or sunrise? both are nice to me but i never really watch sunrise, i wish i could but sunset for me is awesome, always. And of course, how could u go somewhere else when you've nice beaches in kk. I enjoy watching the sun goes down the horizon, indicating a day has passed and another new day is not long away, for being grateful that i'd live through a day and with believe that more exciting days to come, to in awe of god's creation and thank him for the wonderful things and people in life.

I read through some lines the other day. There's 2 kind of problems in life. One is the problem u can't solve , so why bother? One is the problem u can solve, so what's with the worry? And so like i always believe, god provides and everyday is worth looking forth to me. The other thing i love of other than the sea is the sky, the bright blue sky with sun shining through gives me energy. I don't really know why but i sort of dislike rainy days, all look so gloomy and sad to me. Sunny day gives me the mood to start a great day with passion, and it reminds me of outing, something happy, something u can look forward to. Like any public holidays with family =)

* just some thoughts before i'm busy with finals and abandon my lovely blog, again. All the best to my friends for their finals! till then =D

All about Awesome people

Thank god for the awesome people in life

How they make you smile by just thinking of them

How u feel like crying with the thought that u guys won't be able to stick around often real soon

How time is never enough with them

But still, i thank god for each and everyone of them

My life won't be complete and as fun as it is without them

May we continue to keep contact even we're on our own path someday

I already start missing them

=S

Thank God for friends

So gone all emos and days ahead are all exciting and worth looking forward to me. Thank God for the hope i can hold onto =)

And of course friends that have been faithfully around while i needed them =) here are some random cute and warm conversations we had:

Friend#1:

Friend: Don't emo eh.

me: u read my blog?

Friend: ya. u still have me. anything just share to me so i have things to gossip =)

me: what?! *^&#%&$%##_&

Friend: haha... jaga jaga over there. Emo just find me. U know i'm kind enough to share your burden, u're lucky enough to have me as friend =)

me: ......................

*How funny this conversation may sounded, i know what he's trying to say is: hey friend, i'm here for u =) and that makes up my day.

Friend#2:

Friend: u need a ride to pt?

me: yes. i would love to.

Friend: ok, u grab something to eat first, we'll go for supper after pt. i'll come at 7.30pm =)

*i almost cried after i read this text. i mean when i'm busy dwelling with my emo and not aware that i actually missed dinner and the bus to pt, there she is to offer and that means alot to me, like really =)

Friend#3:

Text 1: How are you?

Text 2: i'll pray for you, everything will be alright.

*a friend that text me twice when i didn't get to reply, and his reply to my text is he's worried and he's not too far from me. I'm touched, and thanks, for all, u know who u are =)

Friend#4:

me: i'm a terrible friend

Friend: no, u are a friend and u're great in it. cheer up girl =)

*and then its her, who i know she'll always listen and give advices and it never fails to keep me back with God. I can't imagine my life without her, that's how much u mean to me and how much i'm thankful for u in my life =)

and then there's more, little actions that light me up bit by bit and now i know i'm fully-fueled for the coming days.

of all food (cake, sushi, BR ice cream, brunch with unexpected people) and studies (done thesis demo presentation and it all went well), i know God is the one who provide and thank you Lord for every little things in my life.

*listening to Brian Littrell- In christ alone*

My letter to God

I don't know myself anymore. Its scary, very. But i just can't figure out why this isabel here making such decisions with such thoughts and actions. I dislike the ME now, very much. The feeling that i'm the worst and terrible person in world makes my emotion go roller coaster. Even a simple Christian song makes me cry, like i'm a sinner who doesn't deserve God at all. What if even HE condemn me?

I don't think i can take these anymore, especially when there's no one i can share with, not that i don't have friends, but it is something i suppose to keep secret of. But i never kept any, not even my own deepest shit, now i'm struggling. The only thing that hold on to me is, if i were to tell, i'll hurt people around me, even more.

Or its all just me, being too self determined in certain boundaries and rules, like usual. Or its the thesis and assignments rush that makes all the sleepless nights and long computer time effect kicks in. Or its just one of the time where the weather changes and sickness came along with more drowsiness and blur symptoms. I wish i know.

Lord, help me through. It might not be a thing for some people and think i'm just getting too detail in little things like these but i know i'm not. But i know this is a challenge i must face, to change myself not to be too self secured in my own feelings and to try understand people around me. To not being judgmental in things i heard which might not be even true. To not being selfish and insensitive to people around me. To open up my heart and accept things i used to repulsive toward and last, to be a person more like u Lord.

Yours sincerely,

Isabel

Birthday of double twoooo... =)

So its birthday AGAIN, for the 22nd time, its still best with family and friends and other than a day to memory mum's greatness of bringing me to this world and appreciate dad's effort of raising me up till now, friends who celebrate with and wishes i got always make my birthday one of the best day yearly =)

For this year, i had a pre birthday celebration with dad and sis. We had crocodile feast (tasted like chicken to me but with a smell of seafood, to be more specific, fish. lol...) and we enjoyed it. Later, we shopped for my birthday present and i got myself a casio watch which i really like of =) of course, how can u miss out cake and coffee (only for coffee lover like me xp). Hence, we went to our favourite STARBUCK for a drink. But somehow i think my Crème Buelle frappuccino is too sweet. Still, time spent with family is always the best =)

SISTERS

My mini Birthday cake xp

My Awesome Daddy =)

Present ^^

Oh, not forget my friends. We went out to I-city for pictures and the scenery there is just awesome! The touching part, when 9 of them hold hands surrounding me while singing birthday song =) haha...its so embarrassing when people were staring at us but who cares when you've such cute friends. lol... million thanks to my coursemates and im really touched.

take 1

take 2

take 3

take 4

*special credit to mr anthony's DSL. beautiful pictures aren't they? =)

And then there's Maggie and Marie who stay up till 2am just to pass me a cake they bought (its the same day i went out to I-city). Beatrice wanted to join too but she slept. I understand her as she's an early sleeper =) but still, thanks girl, can't imagine how awesome u girls are that i just love u more by days. thanks *hugs*

Happened that my birthday is on thursday, PERKEB day. After everything ended, buddy came up and lead everyone to sing birthday song and suddenly, lights off and there's jeremy with 22 cupcakes and candles and more skittles and m&m chocolates around it. Thanks for the effort buddy and im really thankful for you in my life =)

take 1

take 2

*pictured by joanna, thanks ya direct jr =)

And so ended my birthday celebrations, joy said she'll bring me out for re-celebration. Lets see how that goes =)

Birthday is only best with friends and family and i thank god for each and everyone of them, who are all awesome people and they just make me smile at moody days =D

Its holiday! =)

So its holiday =) but i am not allow to slack, with 4 mid sems right after raya break, one assignment and thesis proposal to rush on. But still... haha... just merely saying is always easier than action. HAHA... so i enjoyed my past few days of pre-holidays ( lecturers canceled classes, yeapie!)

• Sing k with my fellow coursemates and we break our record of 4 hours (might not sound much but yes for rational physic students like us xp)

• debaters outing to midvalley for bowling and movie "cats and dogs". movie so so but the bowling session is awesome, with kevin and beatrice playing darryl's new boardgame aside (that's just so ukmdebaters la...)

• cheras pasar malam and dominoes with debaters and the durian lolo is just superb!

• Sleepover with my single coolest blur gang (SCB) which consist of beatrice, maggie and me and we had fun with our late night chats =)

So with these, hopefully i can keep myself motivate till the day my loaded works can be done. Happy Hari Raya everyone! =D

Rainbow after the rain =)

After a few days of emo and stress, all is good again

Friday lunch with joy and zhao lin is just nice, chatting about random stuffs and thoughts/ testimonials were shared

Friday night out with debaters is awesome, and i really love the emo pour out session at ichiban ramen and of course a funny movie is just perfect

Saturday lunch with coursemates which i thought its just me and chrislynn at first at pusanika, like usual study week routine until she replied my message that morning:"what are u talking about? chek is fetching." and thank god that i didn't end up taking a bus to pusanika xp

Saturday church practice is fruitful and it feels so good to play piano again and its the 1st KBM service at our new church site, hopefully everything goes well tomorrow

And again, thank god for the fellowships and encouragement i got when i'm really down, of course not to forget my buddy friend who's always been there for me

Its just like rainbow appears after rain, and i can foresee more beautiful days to come =)

settling...

Sort of get my thesis title settled. Hopefully no more changes for this one. When i was given this thesis title, i remember my supervisor said: you try and read stuff on this topic and if you think you can not pick this up, come see me again and i'll change another title for you." So i start reading up the recommended materials he gave, which is Duffie and Beckman on "Solar Energy Thermal Processes". And to be honest, i hardly understand any.

That's when i start to be worry of myself not graduating and i even told dad about this. Remember he said: "just pray and things will go right." and i just laugh at him being too naive, hope things is as easy as he says. Until something hit on me: "Isn't the loving and mighty God always there to back me up? why even i worry and yet never think of just surrender all to him?"

I put down since then. Sorry God for holding all on my own, thinking that i can do it myself, ended up getting worried and didn't get anything in progress too. God, i surrender all to You from here and that i'll show testimony through my actions even when i'm busy with my thesis and all. In Jesus name i pray, Amen.

~Lost~

I'm LOST and i DON'T KNOW why?

i had this 16 hours sleep which i struggled to wake up from some scary nightmare but i can't

I dreamed of myself still studying at old age

guess that's a reflection of me, worry that i'll not graduate

thesis is tough and i haven't got my topic fix till now

and i'm undergoing some emotion fluctuations

reason? i wish i know =/

so hence "poof" gone my study mood

i know i can't blame anyone for these

but god, help me through

i need you now =(

in Jesus name i pray

AMEN.

A wonderful week i would say =)

• Awesome outing with course-mates to Cheras night market

• Belove Anthony's birthday celebration at Bangi ice room

• Crazy trip to Ampang Look Out Point to see 2 moons phenomena which we didn't really see any but it is really a worth hang-out place i would say!

• Dear Joy ask me to blog about 27th August, 8.38am where she said she's thankful for me in her life and yes, i'm thankful for u in my life too, love u *hugs*

• Exciting trip to Gabai Waterfall which grant me "souvenirs" on my face, knees and elbows, but its still fun and i'll really love to go again!

• Favorite buddy friend of mine who bought me a mattress as my advance birthday present, im so gonna blame it on u if i cant wake up for my 8am class and u'll have to morning call me every Monday!! xp but still, thank you so much and this is a much better present than 22 scoops of Baskin Robin ice cream~

• Grateful of the Aobruzzy Gel from someone exclude the part u were making fun of me and almost made me cry ><"

• Hilarious fells (4 times in 2 days to be exact) which until now i cant really recall how it happened ><" but the bruises are really painful T.T

Its still a wonderful and blessed week for me exclude the bruises and all. Hope i'll have more exciting weeks await and of course until my bruises fully healed. Till then =D

To Save A Live

"To save a live" is a Christian movie, a story revolving a teenage guy who lost his childhood friend from a gun suicide and started to realize that he never care for anyone other than himself, so what if he's the most charming guy in school with a famous home-coming queen girlfriend and as his school football team captain with an in hand university scholarship everyone wanted? He started to join a church and on his way of accepting Jesus Christ, he started to care for others and eventually become a person who is respect by all his schoolmates which once condemn him for being a Christian.

Its an inspiring movie and i started to ask myself what have i done with my life? Have i been nice to people that everyone avoids? Have i care for people around me? Have i show respect and gratitude to people who cleans my toilet everyday?

Every time i passed by someone who looks as if they needed someone but i just walked away. I never have the courage to ask whether they need help, for the reason that i scared they'll reject which the actual reason is some fear that i don't even know why?

That day i saw her, Alfera (a girl from my Christian fellowship) greeting to a cleaner with bow of gratitude. I was in a rush then so i didn't stop and say hi but even if i did have the time, i doubt i'll stop. I was embarrass, so much that i start to look back my life and realized i'd never take a step out to be different, even if i have the heart to. The fear that how people will judge me have always hold me back.

Once a conversation, we talked bout Joy (another girl from my Christian fellowship), a joyful girl like her name who always shine out and makes everyone around her felt the same joy like her too. And i was asked if i was given the choice, will i ever be like her? I remembered clearly that i replied i don't have the confident that i'll never be defeated and stay light up all the time. But that is when i thought i'm doing it on my own strength which i should do it for GOD.

so Dear God, please give me the strength to be different among others, to always care about people around me, to always show love and gratitude to people that i never notice but yet always there doing their best in making my life easier, to walk out from my comfort zone and reach out to people and share about you.

In Jesus name i pray, Amen =)

him =)

we used to do nothing but just talk in car for hours, with sea breeze in smell and sound of ocean waves patting on rocks in ears

We used to ride on bike with me hold tight over his waist and he patting on my head while i'm sharing my sad moments

We used to watch starry night at the port and me refused to lie on the ground like he does

We used to have romantic dinner with violinist playing and decorated surrounding of roses and pink heart shape balloons

We used to drive around the night streets of kk for no reason with my hand on the gear lever and his on top of mine

We used to argue, mostly about my doubt of his love and he answered:" Never have doubts, you're not me and i know myself well, that i like you. If this is not love, I had never liked a girl."

All these moments where i thought i had forgotten but now, they are still clear in my mind and replay at nights where i could not fall asleep. It has been a year and he has move on, so should i. wish him all the best =)

The Sleepy Post...

I am sleepy, 4 hours after i woke up from my long 12 hours sleep at 12 noon. Its so sleepy that i need to focus all my strength to not having my eye lids close at the next second. Haven't been sick for quite a long time, still getting use with my dripping nose, humming ears and drained-always -thirsty-throat. Knowing sleeping too much wasn't good, i decide to blog. But yet thoughts just stuck in mind and couldn't be spilled.

So just some random, non making sense thoughts of mine. 1st, my sis finally entered university =D i'm so so proud of her, have the feeling like any mom has, like their baby daughter is going for another level in life but of course she's my little sis, the one that i had been anticipating in her life for 20 years, hope that she will continue to be happy and achieve what she wants in life =)

2nd, i'm still single and people around me keep on nudging me to get one, like usual. But still, i think i'm not up for one now. I've too many stuff on, family, university clubs, study and my own self-discovery on what i should do after i graduate. But deep inside, i might have this little hope of getting someone who is able to be there for me whenever i need, yet not big enough for my sensible brain to put that as one of my priorities.

3rd, i'm kinda excited for new juniors to come in. I can't really understand why i have this feeling now but the thing that i'm officially the most highest status senior make me thrill. But of course, i'm still a good senior, no thoughts of bully juniors at all. Just the sense of seniority makes me proud and of course exclude the part i'm elder xp

So, another random post, totally different from what i thought a year waiting post should be but i'm not in the mood for the revealing truth why i have stopped blogging for such a long time. Maybe next post =) till then....