A Note

I always not know what i want, or perhaps i never really wanted anything

Life is always helpless, i know it when i was first informed that mum got cancer

I try hard to not cry in front of people, but i'm a sensitive person deep down

Keeping secrets are very hard for me, that's why i gave up my dream of being a psychologist

Eating makes me happy, only come second after sleeping

You never know what will happen in life, and things are never absolute

Sometimes you just have to risk it, and being positive with all things

keep going on, with hope, with faith, with God and i believe i'll make changes to life, and people around me

On THE Highway =)

Life has been pretty good to me. Everything is on track, VIVA ended well, thesis in final edit before i got to finally put it into a book, i got my internship at KK International Airport and i got to take my German proficiency test which was 1st scheduled on 15th May but later changed to a more convenient date to me. And i believe all in all, its GOD who make all of these working on track. I couldn't ask for more in life and i could never thank enough for all of it.

Just a little fear about the future, but at the same very excited about what's coming too. I know its time for me to go on my Highway, a new phase in life, more experience with HIM and i believe i'll just have to live up every moment with no regrets. BUT, i'll miss my friends, i really do. yet, i know this has to happen, for the transition in life. And i'll keep the good memories with me whenever i go. For everyone of them are important to me, they changes me and make me who am i now. All the best my friends. We shall see again, someday =)

"I am a Christian"

'A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her.'

When I say that 'I am a Christian', I am not shouting that 'I am clean living. I'm whispering 'I was lost, but now I'm found and forgiven.'

When I say 'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with pride. I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say 'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong. I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.

When I say 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success. I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.

When I say 'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be perfect. My flaws are far too visible, but God believes I am worth it.

When I say 'I am a Christian' I still feel the sting of pain. I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.

When I say 'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou, I'm just a simple sinner who received God's good grace, somehow!

I read this again and still it struck me, every time, no fail. Christians are nothing superior, we're human, we do mistakes and sometimes felt like the whole world has abandoned us. But what makes us different is we'll stand up after the falls and know who we can turn to, for comfort, peace and guidance. Thank you LORD for your love, patience and your promises that you'll always be there for us. =) have a great day ahead peeps!

GG = Graduation Goodbyes

It’s closing to an end of my university life. I’m never good with goodbyes, it’s so painful that it felt like I’ve lost a part of me, being forcefully tear apart of. Remember the time where I decided to terminate my studies here and go back home for good, I cried, everyday, for the people I dear so much but yet have to leave without graduating together. But graduating together doesn’t cause any less pain. Not so much of regrets but the thought that we’ll not meet each other as often or probably never in our lives burns in my head. I’m happy that I was once here, had great years with awesome people I treasure lifetime. Those memories will keep me going on to the next phase of my life. Now, I just have to figure out how to say goodbyes without tears and sad faces =(

Gadoh

The movie Gadoh is a story plotted in a school where there's a group of Chinese students always fighting with another group of Malay students with an Indian student stuck in between the war. It has been quite an issue brought up by the local newspaper, hence the principal and Teacher Ann decided to establish a club theater with the students involved in fighting compulsory to join. This is for the purpose that the students will learn how to live together and learn together. And it ends with all students became good friends.

I've always in my comfort zone and never realised i'm actually inside of it. Sabah, the place i was born is a great place. With people live together in harmony. Racism never once occur to me, until i was here. Exposed to the racist issues in Semenanjung Malaysia. Of course you seldom see people condemn each other with nicknames of "cina babi" or what but somehow i saw the divisions myself. And that's already the foundation for being racist. I feel the pain God felt when he saw his beloved children having prejudices with each other. And i know there's something He wants me to do for this nation. Maybe start with myself going out to influence my friends. I've been ignorant for a long time and God, i'm sorry for my ignorance. Lord, I'm thankful for the eye open opportunity you've brought me here, and the love i felt for your nation, for my nation. In Jesus name, Amen.

JOY of Loving Jesus

"I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete." John 15:11

You can be happy, when you enjoy good food, fellowship with friends, entertainment, hanging outs but you'll never get JOY from any of these. JOY is something much more greater than happy, it fills your heart like never before, and I only experienced it with God, the Abba Father i love, not because of anything, but HE's God, my Father, my Saviour, my Friend and i couldn't imagine days without Him.

"Loving Jesus is not an escape from life, nor is it a brief encounter on some monastic retreat. It's the JOY of staying in touch and the pleasure of knowing that regardless of what a day may bring, the best day is still to come." -Perkeb daily devotional material-

*read Joy's blog and i'm touched and regenerated again with His LOVE and JOY. Thank you Lord for Everything, for the hope i can hold on everyday, for the faith that holds me through those tough days and for the peace i experienced whenever i felt your presence. I love you, Lord.

John 5: 16-47

Its about Jesus respond to the Jews who tried to persecute him. 2 things i learned of:

1. 30: ....I seek not to please myself but Him who sent me.

• I always find its hard for me to share the Gospel with my friends, and this verse reminded me that i do it for God, to seek his Please, not myself nor the people around me. =)

2. 37-38: ....You have never heard His voice nor seen His form, now does His word dwell in you, for you do not believe the one he sent.

• I hope i have the guts to answer this when certain people condemn Jesus. Its very true that if you don't believe The Father, you'll never believe The Son. Its really not a question to be argue about for I know, and I believe in God, and who doesn't believe will never make a sense out of it.

Its been a long time since i really read the bible and meditate on His words. But thank God for the people He placed around me, who constantly remind me about reading His words. Nernny said: "Persepuluhan bukan sahaja kewangan tetapi juga masa untuk Tuhan". Its very true and it hits me so much. Lord, its a lie for me to say i give you myself when i did not even spend enough time with you. I'm sorry Lord. I'll start to make a change. Help me at times i'm weak. Equip me with perseverance and patient. With Jesus name i pray, Amen.