~Just Simply Me~

Its a NEW year =)

2012-01-03T01:02:00.005+08:00

Its officially 2012 2 days and an hour ago and it'll be a NEW year for me, not ordinary new year but a year where I'll be finally working permanently and its literally my first job ever. It is not just any ordinary job but such a huge responsibility for a first job to be. I'll be teaching in a private secondary school as a science teacher. It is not going to be easy. From the teacher tutorial classes i had for the past days, I, who have never teach nor ever had any education lessons before is expected to not just teach them knowledge but at the same time, be the students mentor, counsellor and life direction guider. The new teachers also reminded that the students are fragile (so you can't yell at them or scold them with harsh words), and that they're constantly seeking for attention (the reason being they've little attention from their busy working parents) and they have very very protective parents (make sure you always do the right thing so even if the parents come unreasonable, you can still stand on your ground). So my new year resolution is gonna be simple:

To rely on God's strength on everything I do in my life in accordance to his plan for me and to learn how to be in another person's shoes so that I can be compassion, with love, care and patience when it comes in building relationships with other people.

The idea to think on the other person's behalf came in years ago (constantly being reminded by friends around me) but I ignored them. For example, when there's this person who is cynical about life, I'll judge him/her quickly without much thought about it. The reason being I, myself had experienced a lot since my mum passed away 2.5 years ago and I learnt a lot about life itself and I just don't quite understand how could someone not appreciate life as it is. In 2 more days, I'll be facing students from different backgrounds and I knew having this thought with me will not help me and my students. Everyone will come to such realization about life but perhaps its not their time yet. Its a new year and this change is necessary. I just hope that I've enough love, care and patience to bring me through this year of teaching while I am at the same time learning how to teach effectively, how to build up relationships with all kinds of students and parents, and how to work with other teachers. It can only be done with God by my side. A new year brings new hope as a closure to the year before where the past is past. Happy new year to all my friends!

This is funny. Just sharing =)

An appreciation gift from DCA :)

2011-08-03T14:40:00.001+08:00

AAT

2011-05-17T20:25:00.003+08:00

#1. Air traffic control

#2. Radar

#3. Radar scan map

#4. PSR Transmitter

#5. The view from radar site up on hill

#6. ATT office

#7. The fire fighters--CO2 gas

#8. The radar equipment room

#9. our chief ME from Italy--Marco

Learning never ends...

2011-05-11T18:21:00.004+08:00

So last week, i was asked to stay around DCA office to get to know ITs function and organisation better. DCA has 2 major division which is the administration and finance department and the ATCC (Air Traffic Control Central). Each of these divisions has its sub units with different specific functions. For example, ATCC can be divide into units such as: control tower (aerodrome and surface movement), aeronautical information service, AAT (advance air traffic system), flight information service, training, search and rescue, area control and approach.

This week, i was assigned to AAT and i'll be there for another 2.5 months. So basically, we do radar & systems maintenance (sounded like a guy's job and yes, all 5 engineers in AAT are guys but yet the supervisor and manager are both female, lol). Everything related to the system of the radar are in our job scope and that includes fixing printer and telephone lines, radar site and tower cleaning (outsiders are strictly prohibited, the systems are expensive and it has to be function all the time, 24-7, so we can't bare the consequences of any shut down or disrupt of system to happen, which at worst, crashes between airplanes), backup data for radar detection and voice file between controller and pilot. But still, our main job is to keep the radar and related systems functioning all the time. So the engineers working here take shifts (sometimes they called themselves kuli or higher class technician which i find it quite true, what to do, Malaysia has limited resources and efficient manpower, all the best candidates had flee from the country).

New facts: #1. Radar detection is use not only for planes but the data obtained also includes the density of clouds, which will later be used for weather forecast and it helps the controller to keep the pilot update with the current weather condition. #2. There's 2 radar used in a system, which is PSR (Primary Surveillance Radar-for planes within 60 mile nautical and without transponder) and SSR (Secondary Surveillance Radar-for detection of planes with transponder and of range 200 mile nautical). #3. The radar system used in civil aviation is from Italy. I always thought Italy is an artistic place with painters and poets but apparently they produces high technology radar systems too. lol. and the software engineer based in AAT is hot, seriously.

Work is still fun so far. Learning new things keep me excited. I know, i sounded exactly like a nerd now. xp Hopefully i will make more use of myself in coming weeks. The 1st week so far has only been the honeymoon period. I heard we'll be real busy at the end of the month. till then =)

A new Phase of Life =)

2011-05-06T10:22:00.003+08:00

Blogging from work, my 1st job ever, not exactly a proper job yet. I'm serving 3 months of industrial training at DCA (Department of Civil Aviation). So far so COOL. And here is why:

1) There is a bunch of funny and friendly people work here who call themselves a family

2) every wed and fri lunch breaks are karaoke session as well. So they actually have a karaoke room here and they sing well, like really =D

3) 3.30pm is "Minum" time, music will be on and you can smell coffee every corner in the office, once we even got someone "belanja" us roti canai ^^

4) People here never silent their phone which i find it amusing, in a good way. But of course i still keep my phone silent all the time.

5) Learning interesting facts about civil aviation (from Civil Aviation Acts 1969 and Rules and Regulations of civil aviation 1996). Do you know that we charged all airplanes that flew above our territory and military planes are not allow in commercial routes. How we know then? We have a radar that senses and a system that records down every detail of the planes flew by: weight, model, airways, operator...).

Overall, i like work, being productive (which i'm not yet doing anything such), but waking up 6 in the morning is definitely no fun. I'll get used to it over time, hopefully. Have a great day ahead peeps! =D

A Note

2011-04-25T14:51:00.002+08:00

I always not know what i want, or perhaps i never really wanted anything

Life is always helpless, i know it when i was first informed that mum got cancer

I try hard to not cry in front of people, but i'm a sensitive person deep down

Keeping secrets are very hard for me, that's why i gave up my dream of being a psychologist

Eating makes me happy, only come second after sleeping

You never know what will happen in life, and things are never absolute

Sometimes you just have to risk it, and being positive with all things

keep going on, with hope, with faith, with God and i believe i'll make changes to life, and people around me

On THE Highway =)

2011-04-13T15:16:00.002+08:00

Life has been pretty good to me. Everything is on track, VIVA ended well, thesis in final edit before i got to finally put it into a book, i got my internship at KK International Airport and i got to take my German proficiency test which was 1st scheduled on 15th May but later changed to a more convenient date to me. And i believe all in all, its GOD who make all of these working on track. I couldn't ask for more in life and i could never thank enough for all of it.

Just a little fear about the future, but at the same very excited about what's coming too. I know its time for me to go on my Highway, a new phase in life, more experience with HIM and i believe i'll just have to live up every moment with no regrets. BUT, i'll miss my friends, i really do. yet, i know this has to happen, for the transition in life. And i'll keep the good memories with me whenever i go. For everyone of them are important to me, they changes me and make me who am i now. All the best my friends. We shall see again, someday =)

"I am a Christian"

2011-03-19T14:22:00.006+08:00

'A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her.'

When I say that 'I am a Christian', I am not shouting that 'I am clean living. I'm whispering 'I was lost, but now I'm found and forgiven.'

When I say 'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with pride. I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say 'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong. I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.

When I say 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success. I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.

When I say 'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be perfect. My flaws are far too visible, but God believes I am worth it.

When I say 'I am a Christian' I still feel the sting of pain. I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.

When I say 'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou, I'm just a simple sinner who received God's good grace, somehow!

I read this again and still it struck me, every time, no fail. Christians are nothing superior, we're human, we do mistakes and sometimes felt like the whole world has abandoned us. But what makes us different is we'll stand up after the falls and know who we can turn to, for comfort, peace and guidance. Thank you LORD for your love, patience and your promises that you'll always be there for us. =) have a great day ahead peeps!

GG = Graduation Goodbyes

2011-03-10T11:39:00.001+08:00

It’s closing to an end of my university life. I’m never good with goodbyes, it’s so painful that it felt like I’ve lost a part of me, being forcefully tear apart of. Remember the time where I decided to terminate my studies here and go back home for good, I cried, everyday, for the people I dear so much but yet have to leave without graduating together. But graduating together doesn’t cause any less pain. Not so much of regrets but the thought that we’ll not meet each other as often or probably never in our lives burns in my head. I’m happy that I was once here, had great years with awesome people I treasure lifetime. Those memories will keep me going on to the next phase of my life. Now, I just have to figure out how to say goodbyes without tears and sad faces =(

Gadoh

2011-02-25T10:46:00.003+08:00

The movie Gadoh is a story plotted in a school where there's a group of Chinese students always fighting with another group of Malay students with an Indian student stuck in between the war. It has been quite an issue brought up by the local newspaper, hence the principal and Teacher Ann decided to establish a club theater with the students involved in fighting compulsory to join. This is for the purpose that the students will learn how to live together and learn together. And it ends with all students became good friends.

I've always in my comfort zone and never realised i'm actually inside of it. Sabah, the place i was born is a great place. With people live together in harmony. Racism never once occur to me, until i was here. Exposed to the racist issues in Semenanjung Malaysia. Of course you seldom see people condemn each other with nicknames of "cina babi" or what but somehow i saw the divisions myself. And that's already the foundation for being racist. I feel the pain God felt when he saw his beloved children having prejudices with each other. And i know there's something He wants me to do for this nation. Maybe start with myself going out to influence my friends. I've been ignorant for a long time and God, i'm sorry for my ignorance. Lord, I'm thankful for the eye open opportunity you've brought me here, and the love i felt for your nation, for my nation. In Jesus name, Amen.

JOY of Loving Jesus

2011-02-22T21:16:00.003+08:00

"I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete." John 15:11

You can be happy, when you enjoy good food, fellowship with friends, entertainment, hanging outs but you'll never get JOY from any of these. JOY is something much more greater than happy, it fills your heart like never before, and I only experienced it with God, the Abba Father i love, not because of anything, but HE's God, my Father, my Saviour, my Friend and i couldn't imagine days without Him.

"Loving Jesus is not an escape from life, nor is it a brief encounter on some monastic retreat. It's the JOY of staying in touch and the pleasure of knowing that regardless of what a day may bring, the best day is still to come." -Perkeb daily devotional material-

*read Joy's blog and i'm touched and regenerated again with His LOVE and JOY. Thank you Lord for Everything, for the hope i can hold on everyday, for the faith that holds me through those tough days and for the peace i experienced whenever i felt your presence. I love you, Lord.

John 5: 16-47

2011-02-19T17:02:00.005+08:00

Its about Jesus respond to the Jews who tried to persecute him. 2 things i learned of:

1. 30: ....I seek not to please myself but Him who sent me.

I always find its hard for me to share the Gospel with my friends, and this verse reminded me that i do it for God, to seek his Please, not myself nor the people around me. =)

2. 37-38: ....You have never heard His voice nor seen His form, now does His word dwell in you, for you do not believe the one he sent.

I hope i have the guts to answer this when certain people condemn Jesus. Its very true that if you don't believe The Father, you'll never believe The Son. Its really not a question to be argue about for I know, and I believe in God, and who doesn't believe will never make a sense out of it.

Its been a long time since i really read the bible and meditate on His words. But thank God for the people He placed around me, who constantly remind me about reading His words. Nernny said: "Persepuluhan bukan sahaja kewangan tetapi juga masa untuk Tuhan". Its very true and it hits me so much. Lord, its a lie for me to say i give you myself when i did not even spend enough time with you. I'm sorry Lord. I'll start to make a change. Help me at times i'm weak. Equip me with perseverance and patient. With Jesus name i pray, Amen.

CNY 2011

2011-02-15T17:21:00.009+08:00

I'm supposed to study for tomorrow's "Electromagnet Field" mid semester exam but i needed a break, so i decided to blog about my CNY. This year is such a short break but i enjoyed it nonetheless. Oh, and i got some CNY cards too, as below:

#1 Such a cute card from Danial, even with my name written in Chinese. Not too bad for a person who took Chinese class for a few weeks. xp

#2 From Joann, she's such a sweetie, this even comes with a souvenir from Korea and a letter =D

close up of the card above *love*

#3 an unexpected one from my junior, Chia Ying. thanks alot! xoxo

Some moments with family. Noted the puzzle i bought for my youngest sister.

In our favorite Japanese restaurant

My must try dish at the restaurant, couldn't remember the name but its superb nice!

I found this in Asia City Mall at KK. lol...

Simple reunion dinner with family. First time out hunting for roasted meat and duck with sister. Its tough as everyone has already ordered days earlier. But still we managed to get some =)

CNY other than food and Ang Pau, its also a great time to catch up with friends and relatives which you rarely meet nowadays.

With Grandma

Cousins

Day 2: cousin emman

Day 2: church gang

Day 3: Lasallians

Ang Pau hunt with Coursemates

Before i realised, its already the end of my semester break. I'll miss KK so much and the last meal before i left kk:

Its just an ordinary Chinese shop you can get in KK. But what makes it inordinary is there's a Muslim stall too in the same shop where non halal food is served. With Muslim and non Muslims eating on the same table. I was touched for a moment. Its very common in KK and i never noticed what an awesome place i'm in until i was far away from KK where such scenes are inordinary. I really love KK and the people here. Before CNY ends in another 2 days:

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR TO ALL MY FRIENDS

WHETHER YOU'RE CHINESE OR NOT =D

So much things, So little time

2011-02-15T15:02:00.004+08:00

There no lay back after CNY break with all things need to be done according to schedule, of internship applications, thesis, mid semester exams and assignments. I wish i have more time, to spend with my friends, friends that i'm glad i met, friends that i treasured lifetime, friends that came and left but leave footprints in life and changes me in way that i might not noticed.

Its the last semester and i want to do things the best, unlike other "try my best and whatever comes whatever it'll be" semesters. But what people used to say: "The bigger the expectation, The greater the disappointment." And its very true. With those disappointments, i experienced God more and the importance of friends around me. Thus, i appreciate life more.

So its not going to be the best semester, now i know. But i'm gonna make it a memorable last semester. Lets see how it goes. Can't wait for where God is leading me to. I love you, God. I love you, my friends. Happy belated Valentines day too people! =D

i love my new nerdy spectacles :)

2011-02-07T15:41:00.002+08:00

happy Chinese new year! :)

Foreseen to be an awesome week

2011-01-10T19:42:00.005+08:00

Just back from prayer walk and i enjoyed it. Sometimes its so amaze that how God works, like how it rained heavily at 3 something while it stopped during our prayer walk session between 4.30-6pm and later rains again at 6 something where we're safe and sound, enjoying our dinner at KDO cafe and later stops again while we're out to wait for bus. The cooling weather is great for some walk, to burn off calories from yesterday heavy meals. Oh, we had Yuen Buffet Steamboat for dinner at Subang Jaya. Regardless of the going around, lost, finding a way out from some place we can't even name of. All is good. I enjoyed our committee fellowship. For snacks, there's Japanese Matcha ice cream, Cupcake Chic and Haagen Dazs for the birthday girl (GEORGIE) and Ninja Joe's PORK BURGER ( and its super SEDAP wer with the juicy home made patty!!) lol...

Pictures i got from internet

The Big Boss *slurps*

And i always believe God put the hard times in my life to taught me lessons of patient, faith and love. Things were much more better after i surrendered all in His hands. Its only the first day of the week and i'm already excited of what's coming, and i know and i believe it'll be a great week ahead! Love you God =D

Trust ME

2011-01-07T00:07:00.003+08:00

"Trust me, for I am your Lord."

Its only four days and it felt like a long week to me. A lot of things happened, i was suppose to get the proposal for PERKEB meetings done by this week but by Wednesday, I was informed that no one will be signing any approval for proposal for these 2 weeks as things were messed up between PPP and JPPEL. It struck me real hard and i was very disappointed. But still i made an effort to go through other authorities to see what i can do to at least get a temporary place for meeting (without meeting approval, we're not suppose to get any place) but Adeilyn managed to get a room at FSSK (thank God).

But of course, problem does not stops there. We still need to get through the proposal for the other meetings in the whole semester. So, the JPPEL staff advices that i shall get another proposal and hand in to JPPEL. And so that's what i did, and God sent an angel to speak to me =)

Prof. Wan is our PERKEB advisor and i met him to get his signature for the new proposal. He told me he has a tight schedule for that day but yet he spent 45 minutes sharing to me about his experience with God, encourage me with God's word and welcome me to see him if i need someone to talk to. And i pretty sure that i did not say anything about my bad day but yet everything he shared hit me so much that i almost tear.

One of the story about one of the semester back when he still studies in UKM. The proposal was approved but with condition that they're not allow to worship during meetings. But they never give up, instead used the worship session for prayers. At the end of the semester, they had MK and surprisingly 3000+ people showed up. He said:

NEVER LIMIT GOD!

And only then i realised how little faith i have in God. How can i let my doubts take over me without I notice it? I guess things happened in life planted this super low confident in me which i almost have no expectation in things in life. Like how i never really desperately ask for something and the one thing i ever asked (for mum) is not answered. I always thought i'm fine with God, until now. Thank you Lord for never fails asking me to come back to you, things in life and people around me to constantly remind me about your great love and mightiness and the most important thing is, you never give up on me. I'm just too stupid sometimes to realise how lucky and honour i am to even know you, How i'm blessed beyond measures to even be counted or jotted down of. And i know you chose me for your ministry for a reason, a plan. I now, lay in front of you my obedient and faithfulness. Lord, use me for the glory of your kingdom. Strengthen me in times i'm weak. My life is yours, my Lord. Amen.

New Year Resolution 2011

2011-01-04T17:08:00.002+08:00

I realised i'm so lost most of the time, and i found the problem is with me, not keeping close with God. I always wonder how u balance things between making up decisions and ask for what you really wanted, or just let Him make the decision for you (i always thought that means do nothing at all) which always get me confused and in dilemma.

Stepping in a new year, I'm going to be 23 by September. The year i'm going to graduate and find a job, the year i'm struggling with changes in family members, the year I'm rushing for datelines all the time for internship application and thesis, the year i'm to experience God more than any other years and i want to get closer with Him through all these.

YET, I realised i never spend enough time with Him. It kind of strikes me when one day, my group member in NC called. So i asked him about his student exchange program to USA which he's been talking about during NC. He said he's rejected at the last minute after he got all his visa and forms done. I felt sorry about him though but later he shared about his family where they came to God and experienced Him. And the worst part, he asked me:

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE AFTER NC?

i remember i said something like i'm working on my CF's "Bulan Kasih". But only God knows i spent my holidays after NC doing NOTHING. I mean of what i've promised God to do in NC never came into action. I was ashamed, and i can felt God's disappointment on me. So i came up with my new year resolution (for the very 1st time, i know i'm totally useless =S).

Do devotion and bible reading daily.
Fast and Pray. for real this time.
Go doa keliling and persekutuan doa every week.
Be friends with other races, i mean real friends and not hi and bye friends. But at least i'm proud to say i have one. Danial it is =)
keep in touch with my long lost friends. (i realised i never really make an effort to sms friends during their birthdays and occasions, i always find excuse that i'm not a cellphone person and i don't do sms often, which is true but that's not compromisable, not when it comes with friends!)
Still, sms my current friends more often, not just whenever i need help from them (said miss Chrislynn Ng, which is so so true. *sigh* )
Try all my best in my academic studies and I WANT TO GRADUATE AND FIND A STABLE AND PERMANENT JOB!
Maintain a healthy lifestyle, ie go jogging and swimming.
Get my family members together, with wisdom (God, help me with that.. )

That's all for new year resolution. This is a reminder and friends who read this, if you happen to see me slacking in future, remind me about this post i once wrote and very "semangat" about it. I hope everyone has their new year resolution done by now and stick to it, my friends! =)

Belated New Year Post =)

2011-01-03T23:20:00.013+08:00

So i promised Chrislynn to blog about our cooking process for new year dinner. Here it is, even it's a little late. Foreseen the big crowd going out on 1st Jan with traffic jam and all, we decided to fully use our holiday on 31st December for simple shopping, dinner and movie at the most not crowded place we know of - Cheras Selatan, Balakong, or so we thought. Thanks for Malaysia football team who won the Suzuki Cup, we had an extra holiday on 31st December.

So the outing group consists of the SINGLE ladies, which are Chrislynn, Ying, Wen and Me! Here are some pictures of us at a-i-don't-know-the-name Japanese restaurant. The food is slightly pricey but its worth it for the nice ambient. Overall the food is ok. After the early dinner at 5pm, we went around shopping and everyone bought something except Ying. Wen is the big buyer of the day where she bought a travel luggage bag for quite a deal. We also went for a movie - Gulliver's Travel (3D). My first 3D movie. I heard some people suffer side effects from it such as dizziness n ect but luckily none of us got any of it. It's one of the best comedy i watched through out the year and the visual effect is awesome. After movie, we went to a hawker center right behind the mall for supper and we watched Shakira shaking her "butt" amazingly on some China live new year count down concert on the big screen. Its a simple but nice day =)

Ying and Chrislynn

Teriyaki Chicken Don

Kimchi Don

ss picture xp

Wen with make up!!

Ice blended matcha with red bean

Fried dumplings

Chicken Terikatsu Don

The next day, we decided to not have any outings but instead, we planned to cook ourselves spaghetti as dinner which we've always talked about since chek and others move out. Hence, we spent luxurious sleep till late noon, and later moved our way to the nearby Econsave for ingredients. Around 5pm, we started with our preparation. Let the pictures tell the story.

Spaghetti: Boiled it and later on apply some margarine

some cutting by Chrislynn and Wen

San Remo can sauce, cooked with minced chicken breast meat,

fresh tomatoes,mushrooms, and hotdogs

coleslaw: cabbage, carrot and mayonise sauce

Special dish of the day: mash potatoes (by me)

First, u boiled the potato, mashed it and mix with a little pepper, salt, milk and margarine

Next, make bowl shape containers out of aluminium foil paper

Stuff the mixed mash potatoes in the bowls

Lastly, put a layer of cheese on top of the mash potatoes, shown as picture above

We're suppose to bake the potatoes for 3 minutes for the cheese on top to melt but we do not have an oven with us, so instead we used a wok!

tadaa! that's how it looks like when its done. Looks awesome, right? right? =)

and trust me, it taste superbly nice too!!

A meal by our own, consider a great success.

We shall try more cookings soon!

We played monopoly after dinner. We called it a day after a round of monopoly since we're tired from the previous day of shopping. Oh, and Chrislynn reminded me that we actually spent 3 years of new year together. The first one at Seremban, not knowing that it's the Agong's death and most of the shops are closed, we ended up counting down at A&W with waffles and curly fries. The second one at Chek's house with steamboat and games, and i even mimic Michael Jackson's dance move for one of the games punishment. The third is the one just passed. I'm happy that its her which i spent my recent new years with and i'm more than lucky to have her. Gosh, i'll really miss her after we graduate =S

Some updates about me: I got a new cellphone. Let me present to you, Nokia C-6-01!!!

I loved my new phone, still loving it now. Have been discovering new things about it since i bought it 3 weeks ago. I hope this one will last long. My semester started 2 weeks ago and still adapting to university life after a month of laid back at hometown. I've more to share about, but maybe next post. till then! xoxo

Christmas

2010-12-17T17:27:00.004+08:00

Can't remember how i really spent my previous Christmas, but i think it should be routine activities like: going church, some presents and a good meal with family. This year, things are a little different, some people left my life and some unexpected ones come in. Sometimes i wonder how unpredictable is my God. Surprised by his arrangements, and shocked by his sudden tests. I know where i can go to whenever i need a solution, comfort and hope to hold on. But i still hate these moments, where you're lost, wonder which is your next path, ponder about what is life, having doubts about His will in your life, keep praying for an answer but is not answered by. I know i'll get through this, like any others, but i'm always a person comfort with current situation and i dislike changes or transitions, as much as i dislike maths or bitter gourds. It gets me frustrated and depressed, like now. Oh God, i pray for peace in my heart, and as things turn out to be not as i expected, i'll still hold onto you, Lord. Amen.

So skip the emo part if you want to, here are a few things i have done during my holidays:

National Conference [29th Nov- 4th Dec]

- A very fruitful one. I would say its like an alarm clock, reminded me things i have forgotten, like how should i live out my life as a Christian, approaching our major neighbors, fight racism, walk HIS way and Go for gold.

Caroling, Christmas event, and more Christmas events in church...

Bought presents and wrapped presents (like 20 of them! lol...)

Learned about patient and to not just stir things up at the mean while. God says wait =)

still not done anything academic yet... =(

Despite all, i still glad that i'm back, get to meet my cousin sister- Phoebe and my cool aunt!

* p.s: Stay tune for more on post Christmas 2 xp

Eunice

2010-12-12T19:30:00.002+08:00

I love her

I really do

so much that i couldn't bare anything bad happen to her

I know i'm being over protective

But how can i not when mum asked me to take good care of her when she left

I won't compromise

Even if i have to take up the responsibility to raise her up

Even i'll have to give up everything else for that

My plan for master studies

My choice of place to work

I'll still keep my promise

Eunice

Please, always be good and healthy

Do know that I love you always

Ignorance

2010-12-10T02:05:00.003+08:00

I always thought whatever problem happened, u just have to talk it out and things will be good. Until this one. I've been ignoring it for quite some time, still in ignorant status now. I tried the talking part and it did not work out as i expect. And ignorance seems to be the best solution for now. Its like the toughest mathematic question in world and you can't do anything to solve it, hence u just left it there. I wish i could do something but no, praying is the only thing i can do right now. I hate this helpless feeling. Its the same kind of feelings i had when my mum was diagnosis with cancer. How i wish she's still here. God, i commit all in your eagle wings', that u'll get us through this like every other time u did. In Jesus name i pray, Amen.

Life...real...

2010-12-07T20:23:00.003+08:00

In real Life

real world

Life is never easy

but i had promise that i'll let u take control of my life, oh Lord

I commit all into your hands, Jesus

Amen

2# C

2010-11-02T15:28:00.006+08:00

Today is a break day for me, i wanted to just watch movie and get wasted whole day but i can't, with all the thoughts running in mind and a strong urge to keep writing, about friends, about love. So here's the rare, 2 posts in a day situation and maybe more =)

C is one important friend, one i will never graduate without. She always say she's my personal assistant, morning call me, remind me of important dates and events, even stay up 24hr whenever i need her, but of course she's one who believes sleep is a luxury and sin. The one of a kind i'll ever meet in life. Always so goal-oriented with full determination and passion =)

When i first getting close to her, i thought i lost my best friend in life, i'm sad and lost. She's there being all bubbly and energetic, like always. We went to Seremban for new year eve, one crazy thing i've ever did, pleading to my parents an hour for permission. And that night, we both lying on bed, sharing about our moments. I remember i've tears in my eyes, and i adore her, being so independent and tough. Since that day, we're another half for each other, my twin.

We talk alot and argue much too, about life philosophy, politics, studies, people and more. And i'm glad that i found someone to talk about serious matters like these and not worry that you'll offend any of them, and i know we'll still be friends even we fight. I can tell her straight on face that she disappoint me and i need a day break from her and i still love her no matter what. She's the first ever i felt like a sister near to heart, worry about her life direction which i think i might have gone over board. But i just can't help worry, like when i first knew that my younger sister had a bf and worries storm out just like that.

But i should have know that she's different, and she'll be good with her self determination and never drain off energy. I wish her all the best and will always love her despite all =) Words will never express how much i thankful for you in my life but i really do thankful, very much.

* I can't imagine how i'm gonna ever stay away from these people who's so near to my heart. tears rolling down for the thought that we'll be apart some day T.T love u sista! *hugs*

1# B

2010-11-02T13:39:00.007+08:00

This is a post for a very important friend of mine. I was thinking of writing posts about these interesting people i met in university. And on my graduation day, i'll handwrite these in a handmade card and give to each and everyone of them, along with a big warm hug =)

So here you are, the first, dear. Is it because of your birthday? err... maybe. Or the reason that i want to do it in alphabetical order and your name starts with B? haha... You're always in my top list, really. So here it starts.

Being one blur, warm, encouraging and always helpful friend. I'm more than grateful to know you. Its like fate that we met, both Christian, same college, faculty and we both joined debate. When i first speak to her, i know we'll make best friends and we are now. We don't contact each other much, but when we did meet up, we talked for hours and time is so short and there's so much to share. And i always wonder why is it so comfortable for me to share with her. As easy like we've knowing each other for life time, knowing that she'll listens and accepts me for all. The best is she always gives helpful advices that encourage me whenever i'm down, nourishes my soul with God's word and very warming, like a sister to me =)

There's too much to tell about her and one thing we have in common which i really grateful of, the same blurness. Every time i do stupid stuff, i'll think of her and that makes me feel better, like: nah, its ok, b might do more than this xp ops... haha... and her blur stories can make up a 100 page novel by now and its less than 3 years since i know her =)

Happy birthday B. I always believe you're a gift from God. Hope you'll continue to be a blessing to all, like u always are. May more blissful days in years coming and that u'll continue to grow in the experience of God along your life journey. I'll always love you =D

*p.s: i try to find for more pictures but its so so limited =( we shall take lotsa picture before we both graduate! XOXO

I want a camera

2010-10-27T19:35:00.006+08:00

Dear daddy,

can you buy me a camera as my pre-graduation gift? I want it for good purpose. To capture my remaining memories in ukm, not so much of the place but the people in it. I realise how moments past and never come back, leaving unclear image in your mind years after which u can't quite grab onto. I never wanted DSLR, i just want a simple camera, with 10 mp, 4x zoom and stabilizer probably for newbie like me =)

I heart these people, very much. And i wish i could at least kept some memories of them in form of pictures, or something u can look back after years as a topic in gatherings. I wish i can stop time but i couldn't. Maybe a camera can capture those precious moments for me.

So daddy, please.... I really want a camera *with the sweet little girl glimpse she tried to fake up*

Love,

your daughter

*oh, here are some pictures with people i love much. lovely people, aren't they?

My PERKEB family

The awesome debaters

Newtuners-Musician

The Brass Band

Physicists

My Hang-out Gang

Funny, always blur gang

Understand me now, lovely faces but terrible picture quality =(

I want a camera, dad.

plssss....

The Apartment

2010-10-25T02:03:00.005+08:00

A condo show room?

Pictures from some interior design magazine?

its THE APARTMENT!

One of the best voted restaurant and bar in Malaysia

currently with one located at the Curve and another one at KLCC

looks awesome not?

awww... especially the bar, i always wanted that in my dream house

not until u see the food...

did i tell that they serve coffee too?

YES, they do!

i wanted to go...

like really, like badly

Reading, Writing, Bestfriends

2010-10-23T20:46:00.004+08:00

I almost forgot how much i love reading. It started since very young, that's how i got my 800+ degree eyesight by the way. I missed the joy of reading, how it let my imagination run wild, how it brings me to another world and how time just flies while i read. I can practically read whole day back then =) but now, with the new electronic era, movies and games seem to be more attractive than books. Not until i read again. I found the passion buried in me and the satisfaction i got through reading. I shall pick it up, if time allows.

Of how much i love reading, is how much i love writing as well. I used to write diary until one day my sister read it out in front of my family. Since then i wrote in computer but always delete it after. Its just a way of me expressing myself, it calms me every time i'm sad and it never fails to do so. Until, i blog at the age of 17. I realized its a good way of keeping track of myself, i always read back what i wrote, seeing how i progress and becoming what i am today, and with that i appreciate life more. One of my dream job when i was young, is to become a writer. Maybe i should write more, improve myself better and one day i might be one, who knows =)

While i wrote this, 2 of my best friends come into mind. They're the kind of friends u know u'll keep forever. I've been knowing them more than 10 years and i still love them much. Despite that we're all far apart and sometimes we didn't really contact much but we appreciate every moment together, even its only 2 hours a year. They're the kind of friends that you'll give them a call when they forgot your birthday, not to scold them, but worried of what might happen and u just want to hear from them, especially on your special day. I miss them lots =(

So if u happen to read this, i miss u, LO MANN SHIUAN & LOH EN CHIN!! Hope u girls have a great time at Sweden and England! *sigh* =S

Sunset or Sunrise

2010-10-22T23:40:00.002+08:00

Have been manage my blog for a year and a half. The same layout picture but i still love it after time. So make a guess, sunset or sunrise? both are nice to me but i never really watch sunrise, i wish i could but sunset for me is awesome, always. And of course, how could u go somewhere else when you've nice beaches in kk. I enjoy watching the sun goes down the horizon, indicating a day has passed and another new day is not long away, for being grateful that i'd live through a day and with believe that more exciting days to come, to in awe of god's creation and thank him for the wonderful things and people in life.

I read through some lines the other day. There's 2 kind of problems in life. One is the problem u can't solve , so why bother? One is the problem u can solve, so what's with the worry? And so like i always believe, god provides and everyday is worth looking forth to me. The other thing i love of other than the sea is the sky, the bright blue sky with sun shining through gives me energy. I don't really know why but i sort of dislike rainy days, all look so gloomy and sad to me. Sunny day gives me the mood to start a great day with passion, and it reminds me of outing, something happy, something u can look forward to. Like any public holidays with family =)

* just some thoughts before i'm busy with finals and abandon my lovely blog, again. All the best to my friends for their finals! till then =D

All about Awesome people

2010-10-22T11:31:00.005+08:00

Thank god for the awesome people in life

How they make you smile by just thinking of them

How u feel like crying with the thought that u guys won't be able to stick around often real soon

How time is never enough with them

But still, i thank god for each and everyone of them

My life won't be complete and as fun as it is without them

May we continue to keep contact even we're on our own path someday

I already start missing them

Thank God for friends

2010-10-14T10:28:00.009+08:00

So gone all emos and days ahead are all exciting and worth looking forward to me. Thank God for the hope i can hold onto =)

And of course friends that have been faithfully around while i needed them =) here are some random cute and warm conversations we had:

Friend#1:

Friend: Don't emo eh.

me: u read my blog?

Friend: ya. u still have me. anything just share to me so i have things to gossip =)

me: what?! *^&#%&$%##_&

Friend: haha... jaga jaga over there. Emo just find me. U know i'm kind enough to share your burden, u're lucky enough to have me as friend =)

me: ......................

*How funny this conversation may sounded, i know what he's trying to say is: hey friend, i'm here for u =) and that makes up my day.

Friend#2:

Friend: u need a ride to pt?

me: yes. i would love to.

Friend: ok, u grab something to eat first, we'll go for supper after pt. i'll come at 7.30pm =)

*i almost cried after i read this text. i mean when i'm busy dwelling with my emo and not aware that i actually missed dinner and the bus to pt, there she is to offer and that means alot to me, like really =)

Friend#3:

Text 1: How are you?

Text 2: i'll pray for you, everything will be alright.

*a friend that text me twice when i didn't get to reply, and his reply to my text is he's worried and he's not too far from me. I'm touched, and thanks, for all, u know who u are =)

Friend#4:

me: i'm a terrible friend

Friend: no, u are a friend and u're great in it. cheer up girl =)

*and then its her, who i know she'll always listen and give advices and it never fails to keep me back with God. I can't imagine my life without her, that's how much u mean to me and how much i'm thankful for u in my life =)

and then there's more, little actions that light me up bit by bit and now i know i'm fully-fueled for the coming days.

of all food (cake, sushi, BR ice cream, brunch with unexpected people) and studies (done thesis demo presentation and it all went well), i know God is the one who provide and thank you Lord for every little things in my life.

*listening to Brian Littrell- In christ alone*

My letter to God

2010-10-10T18:54:00.006+08:00

I don't know myself anymore. Its scary, very. But i just can't figure out why this isabel here making such decisions with such thoughts and actions. I dislike the ME now, very much. The feeling that i'm the worst and terrible person in world makes my emotion go roller coaster. Even a simple Christian song makes me cry, like i'm a sinner who doesn't deserve God at all. What if even HE condemn me?

I don't think i can take these anymore, especially when there's no one i can share with, not that i don't have friends, but it is something i suppose to keep secret of. But i never kept any, not even my own deepest shit, now i'm struggling. The only thing that hold on to me is, if i were to tell, i'll hurt people around me, even more.

Or its all just me, being too self determined in certain boundaries and rules, like usual. Or its the thesis and assignments rush that makes all the sleepless nights and long computer time effect kicks in. Or its just one of the time where the weather changes and sickness came along with more drowsiness and blur symptoms. I wish i know.

Lord, help me through. It might not be a thing for some people and think i'm just getting too detail in little things like these but i know i'm not. But i know this is a challenge i must face, to change myself not to be too self secured in my own feelings and to try understand people around me. To not being judgmental in things i heard which might not be even true. To not being selfish and insensitive to people around me. To open up my heart and accept things i used to repulsive toward and last, to be a person more like u Lord.

Yours sincerely,

Isabel

Birthday of double twoooo... =)

2010-10-03T20:23:00.009+08:00

So its birthday AGAIN, for the 22nd time, its still best with family and friends and other than a day to memory mum's greatness of bringing me to this world and appreciate dad's effort of raising me up till now, friends who celebrate with and wishes i got always make my birthday one of the best day yearly =)

For this year, i had a pre birthday celebration with dad and sis. We had crocodile feast (tasted like chicken to me but with a smell of seafood, to be more specific, fish. lol...) and we enjoyed it. Later, we shopped for my birthday present and i got myself a casio watch which i really like of =) of course, how can u miss out cake and coffee (only for coffee lover like me xp). Hence, we went to our favourite STARBUCK for a drink. But somehow i think my Crème Buelle frappuccino is too sweet. Still, time spent with family is always the best =)

SISTERS

My mini Birthday cake xp

My Awesome Daddy =)

Present ^^

Oh, not forget my friends. We went out to I-city for pictures and the scenery there is just awesome! The touching part, when 9 of them hold hands surrounding me while singing birthday song =) haha...its so embarrassing when people were staring at us but who cares when you've such cute friends. lol... million thanks to my coursemates and im really touched.

take 1

take 2

take 3

take 4

*special credit to mr anthony's DSL. beautiful pictures aren't they? =)

And then there's Maggie and Marie who stay up till 2am just to pass me a cake they bought (its the same day i went out to I-city). Beatrice wanted to join too but she slept. I understand her as she's an early sleeper =) but still, thanks girl, can't imagine how awesome u girls are that i just love u more by days. thanks *hugs*

Happened that my birthday is on thursday, PERKEB day. After everything ended, buddy came up and lead everyone to sing birthday song and suddenly, lights off and there's jeremy with 22 cupcakes and candles and more skittles and m&m chocolates around it. Thanks for the effort buddy and im really thankful for you in my life =)

take 1

take 2

*pictured by joanna, thanks ya direct jr =)

And so ended my birthday celebrations, joy said she'll bring me out for re-celebration. Lets see how that goes =)

Birthday is only best with friends and family and i thank god for each and everyone of them, who are all awesome people and they just make me smile at moody days =D

Its holiday! =)

2010-09-09T17:45:00.001+08:00

So its holiday =) but i am not allow to slack, with 4 mid sems right after raya break, one assignment and thesis proposal to rush on. But still... haha... just merely saying is always easier than action. HAHA... so i enjoyed my past few days of pre-holidays ( lecturers canceled classes, yeapie!)

Sing k with my fellow coursemates and we break our record of 4 hours (might not sound much but yes for rational physic students like us xp)

debaters outing to midvalley for bowling and movie "cats and dogs". movie so so but the bowling session is awesome, with kevin and beatrice playing darryl's new boardgame aside (that's just so ukmdebaters la...)

cheras pasar malam and dominoes with debaters and the durian lolo is just superb!

Sleepover with my single coolest blur gang (SCB) which consist of beatrice, maggie and me and we had fun with our late night chats =)

So with these, hopefully i can keep myself motivate till the day my loaded works can be done. Happy Hari Raya everyone! =D

Rainbow after the rain =)

2010-09-04T21:08:00.000+08:00

After a few days of emo and stress, all is good again

Friday lunch with joy and zhao lin is just nice, chatting about random stuffs and thoughts/ testimonials were shared

Friday night out with debaters is awesome, and i really love the emo pour out session at ichiban ramen and of course a funny movie is just perfect

Saturday lunch with coursemates which i thought its just me and chrislynn at first at pusanika, like usual study week routine until she replied my message that morning:"what are u talking about? chek is fetching." and thank god that i didn't end up taking a bus to pusanika xp

Saturday church practice is fruitful and it feels so good to play piano again and its the 1st KBM service at our new church site, hopefully everything goes well tomorrow

And again, thank god for the fellowships and encouragement i got when i'm really down, of course not to forget my buddy friend who's always been there for me

Its just like rainbow appears after rain, and i can foresee more beautiful days to come =)

settling...

2010-09-03T17:49:00.000+08:00

Sort of get my thesis title settled. Hopefully no more changes for this one. When i was given this thesis title, i remember my supervisor said: you try and read stuff on this topic and if you think you can not pick this up, come see me again and i'll change another title for you." So i start reading up the recommended materials he gave, which is Duffie and Beckman on "Solar Energy Thermal Processes". And to be honest, i hardly understand any.

That's when i start to be worry of myself not graduating and i even told dad about this. Remember he said: "just pray and things will go right." and i just laugh at him being too naive, hope things is as easy as he says. Until something hit on me: "Isn't the loving and mighty God always there to back me up? why even i worry and yet never think of just surrender all to him?"

I put down since then. Sorry God for holding all on my own, thinking that i can do it myself, ended up getting worried and didn't get anything in progress too. God, i surrender all to You from here and that i'll show testimony through my actions even when i'm busy with my thesis and all. In Jesus name i pray, Amen.

~Lost~

2010-08-29T23:56:00.000+08:00

I'm LOST and i DON'T KNOW why?

i had this 16 hours sleep which i struggled to wake up from some scary nightmare but i can't

I dreamed of myself still studying at old age

guess that's a reflection of me, worry that i'll not graduate

thesis is tough and i haven't got my topic fix till now

and i'm undergoing some emotion fluctuations

reason? i wish i know =/

so hence "poof" gone my study mood

i know i can't blame anyone for these

but god, help me through

i need you now =(

in Jesus name i pray

AMEN.

A wonderful week i would say =)

2010-08-28T17:42:00.000+08:00

Awesome outing with course-mates to Cheras night market

Belove Anthony's birthday celebration at Bangi ice room

Crazy trip to Ampang Look Out Point to see 2 moons phenomena which we didn't really see any but it is really a worth hang-out place i would say!

Dear Joy ask me to blog about 27th August, 8.38am where she said she's thankful for me in her life and yes, i'm thankful for u in my life too, love u *hugs*

Exciting trip to Gabai Waterfall which grant me "souvenirs" on my face, knees and elbows, but its still fun and i'll really love to go again!

Favorite buddy friend of mine who bought me a mattress as my advance birthday present, im so gonna blame it on u if i cant wake up for my 8am class and u'll have to morning call me every Monday!! xp but still, thank you so much and this is a much better present than 22 scoops of Baskin Robin ice cream~

Grateful of the Aobruzzy Gel from someone exclude the part u were making fun of me and almost made me cry ><"

Hilarious fells (4 times in 2 days to be exact) which until now i cant really recall how it happened ><" but the bruises are really painful T.T

Its still a wonderful and blessed week for me exclude the bruises and all. Hope i'll have more exciting weeks await and of course until my bruises fully healed. Till then =D

To Save A Live

2010-08-05T01:00:00.000+08:00

"To save a live" is a Christian movie, a story revolving a teenage guy who lost his childhood friend from a gun suicide and started to realize that he never care for anyone other than himself, so what if he's the most charming guy in school with a famous home-coming queen girlfriend and as his school football team captain with an in hand university scholarship everyone wanted? He started to join a church and on his way of accepting Jesus Christ, he started to care for others and eventually become a person who is respect by all his schoolmates which once condemn him for being a Christian.

Its an inspiring movie and i started to ask myself what have i done with my life? Have i been nice to people that everyone avoids? Have i care for people around me? Have i show respect and gratitude to people who cleans my toilet everyday?

Every time i passed by someone who looks as if they needed someone but i just walked away. I never have the courage to ask whether they need help, for the reason that i scared they'll reject which the actual reason is some fear that i don't even know why?

That day i saw her, Alfera (a girl from my Christian fellowship) greeting to a cleaner with bow of gratitude. I was in a rush then so i didn't stop and say hi but even if i did have the time, i doubt i'll stop. I was embarrass, so much that i start to look back my life and realized i'd never take a step out to be different, even if i have the heart to. The fear that how people will judge me have always hold me back.

Once a conversation, we talked bout Joy (another girl from my Christian fellowship), a joyful girl like her name who always shine out and makes everyone around her felt the same joy like her too. And i was asked if i was given the choice, will i ever be like her? I remembered clearly that i replied i don't have the confident that i'll never be defeated and stay light up all the time. But that is when i thought i'm doing it on my own strength which i should do it for GOD.

so Dear God, please give me the strength to be different among others, to always care about people around me, to always show love and gratitude to people that i never notice but yet always there doing their best in making my life easier, to walk out from my comfort zone and reach out to people and share about you.

In Jesus name i pray, Amen =)

him =)

2010-07-04T17:14:00.000+08:00

we used to do nothing but just talked in car for hours, with sea breeze in smell and sound of ocean waves patting on rocks in ears

We used to ride on bike with me hold tight over his waist and he'll pat my head while i'm sharing my sad moments

We used to watch starry nights at the port and me refused to lie on the ground like he does

We used to have romantic dinners with violinist playing, and surrounding of roses and pink heat shape balloons decoration

We used to driving around the night streets of kk for no reason with my hand on the gear lever and his on top of mine

We used to argue, mostly about me doubt of his love and he'll answer:" Never have doubts, you're not me and i know myself well, that i like you, if this feeling is not love, then i had never like a girl."

All these moments where i thought i had forgotten but now, its still clear in my mind and replay at nights where i could not fall asleep. Its been a year and he has move on, so should i. wish him all the best =)

The Sleepy Post...

2010-07-04T16:30:00.000+08:00

I am sleepy, 4 hours after i woke up from my long 12 hours sleep at 12 noon. Its so sleepy that i need to focus all my strength to not having my eye lids close at the next second. Haven't been sick for quite a long time, still getting use with my dripping nose, humming ears and drained-always -thirsty-throat. Knowing sleeping too much wasn't good, i decide to blog. But yet thoughts just stuck in mind and couldn't be spilled.

So just some random, non making sense thoughts of mine. 1st, my sis finally entered university =D i'm so so proud of her, have the feeling like any mom has, like their baby daughter is going for another level in life but of course she's my little sis, the one that i had been anticipating in her life for 20 years, hope that she will continue to be happy and achieve what she wants in life =)

2nd, i'm still single and people around me keep on nudging me to get one, like usual. But still, i think i'm not up for one now. I've too many stuff on, family, university clubs, study and my own self-discovery on what i should do after i graduate. But deep inside, i might have this little hope of getting someone who is able to be there for me whenever i need, yet not big enough for my sensible brain to put that as one of my priorities.

3rd, i'm kinda excited for new juniors to come in. I can't really understand why i have this feeling now but the thing that i'm officially the most highest status senior make me thrill. But of course, i'm still a good senior, no thoughts of bully juniors at all. Just the sense of seniority makes me proud and of course exclude the part i'm elder xp

So, another random post, totally different from what i thought a year waiting post should be but i'm not in the mood for the revealing truth why i have stopped blogging for such a long time. Maybe next post =) till then....

Me and My recent LIFE =)

2009-08-19T02:58:00.000+08:00

Finally Faculty night is over and with that officially ends all my activities other than academic study =) *weee...in super happy mood which im still blogging at 3am in the morning* anyway, just some add-ons, everyone seems to enjoy fac night so a big clap to the committees *clap...clap...clap...* and its really nice to work out with u guys =)

But that doesn't mean im free now, have to catch up with classes i've missed out, mid sems, lab reports, assignments/projects and also time to spend with friends ^^

Just a list of what i've done this half semester:
1) train debate juniors
2) being DCA (deputy chief adjudicator) for Vice-Canselor inter-college debate competition
3) 1 of the adjudicator for VC cup final
4) perform for New Tune Introduction Night
5) Organise Faculty night and also MC of the night

and again, i put myself in another mess...the same old history repeats like last sem, i put myself into this hectic life and hence the consequences to bare.....

MY RESULT FOR MID SEMS SUCKX!
(ok, i didn't meant to say bad words but it just a kind of release of depression, do bare with me since i can't find another words that suits more...*in blurry mind state*)

hopefully i still can cover back the marks with final...*worrying*
(*praying that final questions will not be tough*)

ok, just some words to pour out and now i should back to my work (with 4 reports, 1 assignment, 2 projects to hand up in this week)

~tataz~

.....*continue my "lab-reporting"*......

The forgottenS...

2009-08-03T11:01:00.000+08:00

People grown up everyday and they'll then tend of forget things they've learned and which is actually applicable in nowadays life.

1)Satisfaction
Make an example: kids love sweets and everytime they get one, they'll be happy for the whole day and yet grown ups never satisfied for what they have. someone who had iphone will wanted a Blackberry, someone who had Honda will wanted Ferrari and hence life always seems to be imperfect as the standard of being perfect is always set higher and higher.

2) Aggresive
Example 2: Kids were actually more aggresive. i always remember i cried alot until i get what i want (a toy or chocolates). but when i grow up, i always concern about how people look at me and hence i hesitate in making decisions. As result, things never been done and when i looked back, i realise i missed out alot of fun and chances/oppurtunity that i never grab onto.

3)Being Real
Example 3: kids laugh alot and they cried alot too. They always show out their true expression which grown ups don't. They're being hiprocrit which they blame it to people around them and claim that its the only way to survive in the society. and i wonder, aren't any of these are inform choices? We're humans and we control our own emotions don't we?

Sometimes i get confuse with life, how i wish im still the little kid i used to be, naive and always optimistic with life but yet things changed and i wonder should i change myself to suit the so called "society life" or should i just remain who i am and yet satisfied with life?

Prayer

2009-06-16T13:51:00.000+08:00

How is it feels like when your love ones struggled and suffered and yet nothing can be done to help?

its so painful that u felt like crying but tears just couldn't seems to roll down because you know you'll will make the one feel more miserable

trying to tell jokes to make the one feel better but yet it feels like someone was using a knife stabbing into your heart with yourself holding your breath, worrying you'll burst out in tears in the next second

its so helpless that you start to thinking of running away and yet you can't even move a step

sometimes i wonder, why its me and why its her?

but i know god let things happen for a reason

i never ask god for more but for this first and only time, i wish god will take away all the pain and sickness from her...

and i have no other way but to believe in "him" as he's the way, the truth and the life

in jesus name i pray, Amen

*anyone who read this and know what happened, please pray for us

It Just Happen...

2009-04-28T21:31:00.000+08:00

time: midnight
location: msn chatroom
mode: in the midst of sleepless and emo-ing...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lemon: How are you?

BeL: Fine...

Lemon: How's exam?

BeL: 3 more to go...blah....blah...

Lemon:......??

BeL: blah...blah...blah...(something about why im emo-ing at the mid of night)

Lemon: huh?

BeL: it's hard to tell...

Lemon: and why u choose to tell me?

BeL: sure lahhh, buddy mah...

Lemon: .......

BeL: hey, u're acting weird today lehhhh....

Lemon: o0yar, how's between you and "him"?

BeL: how u know? *gasping on my own* i didnt tell u that? *hmm...did i?*

Lemon: we're in the same kok what?!

BeL: *check for the mail address* *ARGH!! SCREAMING AND YELLING SILENTLY!!*

guess what happened? yes...it's not the person i thought it was...argh...stupid me, i even shared my deepest emoness to "him" which i suppose to be another "him" >< i know its confused, either i am...

moral value of story: always check the mail address before u chat with someone to double check the identification...

*****************************the end********************************

Reasons Why i Never Have a BF ><"

2009-04-26T21:11:00.000+08:00

The question i frequently get recently would be:

"Do You Have A bf?"

And as a companion for the answer "NO", or "Never have one"

"WHY?"

Ya rght, i wish i could know why *wondering...hmm...*

but anyway, i just sort of like list out some reasons why i never have a bf, or why guys at the first place wouldn't even fall into me.

1) my height, actually im not that tall, maybe slightly tall, 170cm wasn't that tall afterall, right? agree? (i know my friends who's reading this now would be probably diasgreeing, sigh
><) anyway, guys used to said, isabel, its presurrised by just standing next to you, or things like, yeah, im TALLER than isabel ><

2) My boysih hairstyle, another fact of isabel, she's always been in short hair since she's born. Don't ask me why, it actually start off when my parents have their 1st born daughter (which is me) and to save off unnecessary trouble, keep my hair short is just perfect. When i was in primary school, long hair is not allowed in school. and now, im just so used with my short hair which i really love them so much but bet guys would most probably like girls with long hair

3) Independent, isabel's all time theory--why girls cant do things guys can, and i always argue this with my guys friend and they would just pissed off after a long "debate" and would said, can't u be just more "girl" like how u should have? >< discrimination k? guys egoness =P

4) "CHUMAN", now that's a new word, haha...its actually a name of our friend (chuman-dev) which they later translate it as "reaction as slow as a pig"? WT...anyway, why i would said so? let's see the difference between a guy's conversation with a girl and isabel:

guy: are you hungry? (which they actually means having a lunch date ><, guys, be straight forward la~)

normal girl: no, im starving, if its your treat, i wouldn't mind us having a lunch together ^^ (with a sweet shy glimpse)

isabel: no, i've just ate, arent u eaten? i can recommend u some nice eatery shops =)

There's actually more to be written of but im sort of tired today, after late night study until 1am which i woke up early this morning at 7am for my eletric and magnet exam n later whole day discussion on TITAS with my coursemates (=.=) anyway, i might continue this on "Reasons why i never have a BF-part 2" whenever im free =P till then ^^

OTAKU-->ME?

2009-04-24T23:32:00.000+08:00

OTAKU

honorific word of Taku (home)

extremely negative in meaning as it is used to refer to someone who stays at home all the time and doesn't have a life (no social life, no love life, etc)

Usually an otaku person has nothing better to do with their life so they pass the time by watching anime, playing videogames, surfing the internet (otaku is also used to refer to a nerd/hacker/programmer)

Am i an OTAKU?

maybe i am anyway, my friends usually get bored when i started to talk about debate issues like recession, election of obama, israel-palestin war n ect...

and i just realised that i even read books on politics and philosophy ><>

as well the thing that i facebook-ing for the whole day

--> conclusion, im an OTAKU~

but i enjoy being what i am, compared to the previous me who don't even know what is ISA and how many states in USA, i prefer the recent me =) yet i know im never good enough, must read up more on news (which im always lazy to do so) and as well do alot alot of research and compiling!

now the question comes, am i a debate material? speaking english fluently doesnt mean you're a good debater and i knew since the first day i join UKM debate team, but i really like spending time with the debaters, to just randomly talk about current issues and have arguements all the time (even just on stuffs like food, kev's bimbo-ness or john's accent ><)

but somehow, i cant really debate:

1) im not confidence enough

2)always struggle for words to say

3)and the fact that my issue knowledge at the "ground" level

hence that's why i always reject when they ask whether i want to join any debate tounaments but a member of debate team who never debate? nah...

conclusion, none for today, its just some feelings i wanted to express, ok, back to my revision for electricity and magnetism and as well calculus (><) good luck in finals too everyone ^^

Random-ness~

2009-04-24T11:34:00.000+08:00

Just trying out the photo upload function (><)...anyway, here are some random photos of me and the things i like:

Madam Kuan's Nasi Lemak, its seriously good ^^

Argh, Haagen-Dazs, the food in mind now

My Best Pal in UKM, we do looks alike huh?

A book i found interesting, about what stupid

things our politicians had said (><)

My study desk, make a guess what is in the blue stripes mug?

Answer reveal: OLD TOWN COFFEE!!

and Hence, that's my life recently, non-other than study-->eat-->study-->sleep (><) cant wait until exam ends~!!! anyway, genting trip with coursemates on 3rd-4th may...anyone want to join?? =P

Some reflects for the past two years =)

2009-04-23T19:13:00.000+08:00

Its been 2 years since i last blogged, can't really remember why i stop blogging but recently just get to read back all my previous blogs, only to realise that i used to be such a childish and "grey" thinking person...Things changed, for others, life might be bumpy and confuse but im always grateful with what i have, my family, my friends, and god who always been there with me for whatever happens.

Recently, i was struggle with a decision, to either continue my study at ukm or transfer back to ums and start everything all over again as a 1st year. Some might already know that it's for my mum, she's sick and i wish i could just spend more time with her and be there for her through the hard times. It's tough, but after sort of discuss with my family, they think i should continue my study at ukm. And here is the "concentrated" conversation between us:

Mum: The fact that im sick wouldn't changed, so what's the point of wasting another year of
your study?

Dad: You do no help here, just have faith and pray (am i really that useless?) ><

Sis: huh? why?? its there any difference?

and hence, the decision is to continue study at ukm. I actually agree with that, i can see that they're more mature now, and if i keep on insisiting to study at ums, its like im the bragging little kid and they're like:"come on, face the reality, dont be such a little kid~" maybe im just not tough enough, maybe im just over worried, or maybe i miss them too much but by seeing my sister to be so independent and even help out in sending the youngers to tuition and school, and mum who always been so tough even when she's suffering from sickness and side effect from treatment, and dad who's always been supportive and take good care of the whole family, im just so proud of them. In return, i know i should not hesitate anymore, what i could do is study hard and get good results to make them proud of me!

There's always up and downs in life, and the downs is just to make us stronger, for god wants us to realise how sweet is his grace and to know that human is just too fragile while god is the only one we should rely on. From all i experienced, i appreciate life more, to be grateful of breathing in the early morning, to be thankful for every moment of laughter and fun spent with friends and family and i guess that's life. It doesnt meant to be perfect so just live life the fullest everyone =)